Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
...so i touched it.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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