you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
