Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
