ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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