its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
