I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
