U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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