take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
