From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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