I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
So here I am, sexting at work.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
