Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
