You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
