I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Randomize
