I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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