Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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