I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
