i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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