u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize