Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
