i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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