To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
