just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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