Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
