You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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