He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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