I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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