Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
