note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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