You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
