Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
