I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
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