you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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