Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
