Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
