I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
