I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You need a sexual gate keeper
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
