what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
