I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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