Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
