at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Randomize
