You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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