Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
