i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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