Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
