He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
