im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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