im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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