Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize