It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
