he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
