I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
