She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
