they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
