i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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