I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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