i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
