Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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