Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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