So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
