Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
