best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
